Learning Challenges? 6 Powerful Tips for Parents When Kids Want to Quit a Language

At some point in their bilingual journey, many kids hit resistance—one day they’re enthusiastic; the next, they flat-out refuse. 

Learning often causes parents to panic, wondering: “Should I push harder? Should I back off?” Fortunately, new research continues to show that fostering autonomy, emotional connection, and confidence is key to rekindling motivation—not forcing compliance.

Let’s explore what the latest research says and how you can apply it at home.

1. Letting Kids Guide Their Learning: Autonomy Matters

One of the most powerful ways to reignite motivation is to give kids more control over how they learn. A 2025 study by Wei found that when language learners feel they have autonomy and emotional connection to the material, their motivation significantly improves—even if they’re not highly proficient yet (Wei, 2025). The research, grounded in Self‑Determination Theory (SDT), showed that choice and ownership foster a deeper, more sustained interest in language learning.

Try this at home: Let your child choose between singing a song in the language, watching a cartoon, or making a simple recipe with target-language instructions. This small act of control can make a big difference in how they feel about continuing.

2. Bilingual Learners Are Intrinsically Motivated—But Need Support Over Time

Recent research comparing bilingual and monolingual learners found that bilingual children start out with higher intrinsic motivation, likely because they associate the language with cultural identity, family, or curiosity (Greenwald et al., 2023). However, that motivation can fade if it’s not nurtured, especially when external pressure builds or mistakes are criticized.

What helps: Support intrinsic motivation by praising effort, not perfection. Celebrate small victories, like remembering a word or using a new phrase in conversation—even if it’s clumsy. This builds a sense of competence, another core psychological need essential for sustained engagement.

3. Emotional Engagement Drives Learning—Even with AI

In their 2024 study, Wang and Wang examined how Chinese English-language learners engaged with large language models (LLMs), using Self-Determination Theory to measure factors like emotional, behavioral, and cognitive engagement. They found that emotional connection and perceived support were stronger predictors of engagement than autonomy alone (Wang & Wang, 2024). Interestingly, learners didn’t necessarily need to feel in control—they needed to feel seen, supported, and challenged appropriately.

What to look for: If you’re using apps or online platforms, choose ones that encourage dialogue, creativity, and real interaction, not just rote tasks. Be part of the experience with your child—laughing at a cartoon or co-playing a word game helps reinforce emotional and social bonds through language.

4. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection

A perfectionist mindset can kill motivation fast. Children who feel “bad” at a language are less likely to keep trying, even though mistakes are a natural part of learning. Focusing on progress rather than performance is key.

Strategy: Create a “language wins” jar where your child adds a token for every new word learned, attempt made, or phrase used. Talk about what they tried instead of what they missed. This reinforces confidence and helps them see growth over time.

5. Passive Learning Is Still Powerful

If your child truly wants a break from formal lessons, respect that—but don’t completely remove the language. Instead, shift to passive learning strategies:

• Listen to songs in the target language
• Watch movies or shows with subtitles
• Label household items with sticky notes
• Read a bedtime story (or even just a few pages) in the language

This keeps exposure consistent while reducing the sense of pressure. And according to all the studies mentioned above, maintaining connection and engagement is more effective than strict structure when motivation dips.

6. Learn Alongside Them

Finally, the best motivator is you. Children absorb not just language, but your attitude toward it. If they see you trying, laughing at your mistakes, and staying curious, they’ll follow your lead.

Even if you don’t speak the language fluently, learning a few new words together can spark connection—and show that learning doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.

In Summary

When your child wants to quit learning a language, the answer isn’t to push harder. Instead, step back, reframe the experience, and reconnect. The most recent research shows that kids thrive when they feel:

• Autonomous (they have a say)
• Competent (they’re recognized for effort)
• Emotionally connected (they feel supported and engaged)

Language learning is a long journey—but with the right mindset and environment, you can help your child enjoy the ride.

References

• Wang, X., & Wang, S. (2024). Exploring Chinese EFL learners’ engagement with large language models: A Self-Determination Theory perspective. Learning and Motivation, 87, 102014. Link 
• Greenwald, D. G., Shan, L., Boldt, T. A., Truong, B. B., Gonzalez, G. S., Chen, C. H., & Corpus, J. H. (2023). Comparing intrinsic and extrinsic motivation in bilingual children and their monolingual peers. Frontiers in Education, 7, 1022729. Link
• Wei, Y. (2025). The Application of Self‑Determination Theory in Promoting Language Learning Motivation. Communications in Humanities Research, 64, 153–157. Link

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